Get me off this crazy thing...called...

Love. Seriously, the ride is making me motion sick. I need a relationship Dramamine. Maybe if I just sit still for awhile it will pass. Ok, I think I am alright now. So anyway long story short I need to find a cure for a lovesick heart. I used to have a heart of ice but some fool came along and melted the darn thing. It's not fair. I was completely happy being bitter and miserable. It looked good on me. But, no that is all over now. Now I feel like I'm 14. I feel giddy when I see him. I feel new. I feel happy. I feel like (don't laugh) a woman. I feel...wow...I can actually feel. I have forgotten what that was like. It's scary.

The question that remains now is will I ever tell him? Probably not. I kinda like holding on to this. It's safer that way...for now.

No Means No...Hand

I know you are asking yourself "what the H E double hockey stick is this chick talking about?" Well I'll lay it on you. I came to the realization the other day that I have never "worked it out" for more than two days in a row. A weird revelation I know but it just came to me. No pun intended. Why? Why have I been negligent in getting my cookies? It's not that I haven't wanted to. Is it because I am lazy? Can you be too lazy for cookies? I know a lot of time goes into baking them but it's worth it in the end. Anyway the point I am trying to make is that if I did it, for say...15 days in a row I might be a calmer more productive member of society. Someone who is fun to have at parties and is really good at making small talk. I could be that person.

I guess the question that I am faced with now is would I get tired of...Me? I mean, what if I am not in the mood? Do I force myself? How do I let myself down without hurting my feelings. Do I say "it's not you it's me"? What if I insist? Hand!! I said no means no!!

It got weird momma

I can feel it. Things are changing around me and I am stuck. I mean my Grandmother is getting married for goodness sake. It's been four years for her just like it has been four years for me. I never thought she would be ready before me. Why am I not ready yet? What am I afraid of? Wait maybe I am ready. I mean, I never really processed these feelings before. Maybe the mere fact that I am thinking about it means that I am ready. I already have deep feelings for someone. Feelings that I have never felt before not even towards my ex husband. Feelings that make me question everything I stand for, everything I believe in. Oh, great. I'm in love. Yeah, I said it. I'm in love. In love with the unattainable. The forbidden. The one person I can't be with. I have tired everything to stop it but I am powerless. I pride myself in being a strong person. I mean I walked away from a terrible marriage with some minor cuts and bruises. I should be able to resist something that I know is only going to hurt me.

My head hurts

Huh?

I heard the best sentence ever today. It goes as follows. "The cake is officially gone...f*ck me...Jesus". It is two different thoughts merging to make one very enjoyable quote. It was uttered during the loudest fire drill known to man. My head is still throbbing from the noise of the piercing sirens mixed with my uncontrollable laughter. It hurt so good.

Here Goes Nothing

Ok, so I was told that I actually might be good at this whole blogging thing. I'm scared. This could go one of two ways. 1.) It will be a liberating experience or 2.) It will be awkward and embarrassing. Either way it should be somehwhat interesting...I hope.