It got weird momma

I can feel it. Things are changing around me and I am stuck. I mean my Grandmother is getting married for goodness sake. It's been four years for her just like it has been four years for me. I never thought she would be ready before me. Why am I not ready yet? What am I afraid of? Wait maybe I am ready. I mean, I never really processed these feelings before. Maybe the mere fact that I am thinking about it means that I am ready. I already have deep feelings for someone. Feelings that I have never felt before not even towards my ex husband. Feelings that make me question everything I stand for, everything I believe in. Oh, great. I'm in love. Yeah, I said it. I'm in love. In love with the unattainable. The forbidden. The one person I can't be with. I have tired everything to stop it but I am powerless. I pride myself in being a strong person. I mean I walked away from a terrible marriage with some minor cuts and bruises. I should be able to resist something that I know is only going to hurt me.

My head hurts